Consumed
by Pinkster Lily
Summary: "You are not inadequate," he whispers to me, his hand finding my face and imbedding in my hair. I want to tell him that I can't understand why he desires me in this way, when I can barely function on a daily basis. The words bubble in my throat, but don't leave. SLASH Volturi Edward & Alec
1. Part 1

_This started out as a oneshot but then became something a little more… involved. It's almost entirely pre-written at this point due to how it was initially conceived, so hopefully updates will be slightly more frequent than they have been lately._

_Just a note: I take some liberties with Alec's power, given how little we know about the exact mechanics of it, as well as with his personality and relationships. I hope you enjoy my interpretation of him._

Consumed  
Written By: Pinkster Lily

Part I

He presses his lips on my forehead, ruffling my hair gently. His hand comes to rest around the back of my neck and sits there, a solid pressure against my spine. "My dearest child," he says compassionately, gazing at me with wide, red eyes.

That term usually upsets me, however, in comparison to Aro, I am a child. Right now, I feel like one, too.

"Do not fret. That is all behind you. You know that you are safe here and nothing can ever hurt you."

I nod. I know this; deep down I understand it and can even grow, on occasion, to feel powerful in that very unforgiving and eternal way that the others feel, but the sense of my perpetual strength waxes and wanes with the recollection of what happened to me, of what is happening to me. It hasn't stopped and that's all I want anymore, I just want it to stop. It makes me feel every year of my real age, as if each passing decade is a figurative weight added to my shoulders, dragging me down until I am about level with the floor and feel about as worthy, too. If I could just be more like Jane, stronger, impenetrable—

"But you are not," Aro interrupts, his hand tightening on my nape. "This is what makes you special, Alec. Jane is valuable to the Volturi in her own way, but you are a treasure to us."

I know what he is implying, that Jane is so valued because of her unique ruthlessness and I am needed to counter that cruelty, to think before I act and sacrifice myself when needed for the greater good; to think outside of myself in a way that she cannot – in a way none of them can. The answering crinkle around Aro's milky eyes reaffirms this.

His words act like a soothing balm, but I still worry a little, deep inside my mind. Still have doubts. Aro knows this and accepts it in a way Caius can't.

He thinks my problems are a sign that I am not completely loyal. Aro knows that they are not.

Aro sighs. "How I wish at times that I could have your extraordinary gift," he muses, straightening and pulling me briefly into his side with calculated squeezes and slight shakes of my shoulders. He releases me and holds me at arms' length. "If only to relieve you of these terrible visions, is all."

I don't bother processing his words, too busy trying to will some life back into my expression and reconstruct my fractured mind. Aro is only one of two people who are allowed to see me this way, but I need to pull myself together again at some point. He can't coddle me all day.

"Come now, my child," he beckons, his papery hand at the joint of my shoulder and neck, pushing me along in front of him. "The search party will be back at any moment and we must be presentable for them."

I nod and attempt to paste a convincing small onto my face, not that it would matter, considering Aro's particular gift. We stop in front of the doors to his personal chambers and I turn in confusion.

Aro bends down to look me in the eye, compensating for our extreme height difference. His hand slides up from my neck and cups my cheek gently. I stay still, obedient, as he presses his pale lips briefly to my other cheek before pulling back.

His skin feels cold against mine.

"Let us face the day," he states simply, hand going into my hair and coming to rest on my opposite shoulder, almost like an embrace. He guides me out of the chambers and down the hall.

The hall is silent, but for the soft clacking of our shoes and the whispering of our robes against the stone. He squeezes my shoulder and adds, as if our conversation had never halted, "Besides, the next few days should prove interesting enough to keep your mind occupied."

"They have the boy?" It's more of a question asked because of follow-through. I don't leave the castle much; my unpredictable… well, I would be a liability if I was out in the field all the time. Instead, I spend a lot of time trolling the Internet for lawbreakers and the like – the technological age of humanity has lent itself well to constant documentation. Oddly enough, I seem to be one of the few vampires in the guard capable of using humanity's newest technologies, which is why the task of online monitoring is delegated to me. Personally, I couldn't be bothered with the target; I'll likely never see him again after the Volturi have their way with him. I just want to know if my reconnaissance was useful.

Aro chuckles. "Over eager, are we?" he teases lightly in that child-like way of his. "I am excited for our newest acquisition. The potential is… quite noteworthy."

I am sure that there are a few other words Aro is thinking of, but I don't bother myself with them. Aro is, well… Aro. I would be deluding myself if I didn't believe that he enjoys collecting gifted individuals to display for all to see.

He squeezes my shoulder one last time, letting go of me and removing the last bit of skin on skin contact. His delicate skin whispers like paper against mine.

"Let us greet our newest guest," Aro intones cheerfully, leading the way to the throne room to wait for the party. I trail behind him, steeling myself against the inevitable.


	2. Part 2

Consumed  
Part Two

Aro has always had a flair for the dramatic; one that is dutifully entertained by all in the Guard, begrudgingly tolerated by Caius, and taciturnly endured by Marcus.

Just like every other time we've had a visitor, this tendency has come out as if accompanied by flashing lights and a neon sign declaring, _Look here_.

The whole affair begins with Aro uttering ominously, "Bring him into the light."

This time is no different than any of the others. The command itself sounds perfectly cold and sound of Aro's voice, authoritative and resolute, is enough to spur the two guards into action. We all know that he is only half serious in his unspoken threat to end us if we don't obey – it's a little show for our guest.

The grand wooden doors slam shut behind them and they move gracefully forward from the far end of the dark council chamber to the forefront of the numerous vampire groupings. Their eager red eyes betray the interest that's hidden from their features; they wait for what they all know is about to happen and it excites them.

A boy, who was hanging limply between the two guards upon their dramatic entrance, jumps to life at the sudden commotion, struggling in vain against the two vampires who hold him captive and too preoccupied with them to even glance at the rest of the room. I watch with muted curiosity from my section of the congregation, silent.

I know that he is exceedingly intelligent and perceptive, the very traits that Aro had chosen him for, so he must understand that any escape he can formulate is futile. Nonetheless, his human instinct of fight or flight kicks in as he feels his body begin to move and he jerks roughly against the stone-like arms of his captors.

Once the triad reaches the very edge of the small strip of sunlight that penetrates the otherwise black room, the guards thrust him into it, careful not to let the light touch their skin. The boy falls, unable to catch himself, and the muffled _thump _of his body making contact with the hard floor echoes against the high ceiling. I hear his low hiss of pain and, eventually, after what seems like minutes, he pushes himself up with his hands into a kneeling position.

Shrouded in darkness, I continue to observe the boy as he glances frantically around the room for the first time. His weak human eyes cannot see our forms, cannot even discern the walls from the surrounding darkness.

However, the sight of dozens of pairs of red, glowing eyes refracting the dim light registers in his slow-working mind and the scent of fear and the adrenaline emanates from him in waves. It heightens the sweet smell of his blood, but it's not enough to ignite anything more than a dull burn in my throat.

The guards who had brought him forth fade into the darkness and he is left alone, haloed by a small rectangle of sunlight. His hair is like soft, languid flames, a peculiar shade of bronze reminiscent of warm campfires in the dark of night, his eyes sharply green as they dart around, from corner to corner to corner. I marvel at the dusting of freckles left on his cheekbones from years of exposure to the summer sun.

Despite his seeming alertness, though, his eyes are bloodshot and dark circles ring them, almost purple against his pale skin. His arms are bare and covered in fine golden hair that glints in the sunlight. I purse my lips against the sight of dark bruises on his forearms – he didn't come without a struggle.

Aro approaches slowly, out of the boy's line of vision until he is only a few feet away. As soon as Aro is close enough for him to see, the boy gasps, shocked at the sudden and unfamiliar appearance of the older man.

A papery, white hand emerges from beneath Aro's dark robes and he reaches for the boy, who flinches away from it like it's poisoned. The sound of a hundred chimes bounces around the room, oddly varied and faint. The boy's wild eyes search for the source, impossible to pinpoint in the din.

A fresh, dry chiming causes the boy to focus back on Aro. Understanding spreads across the boy's features as he realizes that the man before him is chuckling.

"My dear child," Aro says, reaching out his hand again, but careful to keep it out of the light. "Do not be frightened."

The boy shakes his head, leaning away from Aro as far as his awkward kneeling position allows him. Blinking against the bright light, he declares, "You're going to kill me."

Another round of chiming laughter ensues, but a short wave of Aro's hand causes it to cease almost immediately. I stand silent throughout the exchange, despite the amusement of the vampires around me.

Curious, I watch as Aro answers him with more honesty than the boy could have expected from anyone else in the room. "Yes," Aro begins, "but you will awaken to so much more."

The boy shakes his head. "But I won't be _me_, anymore, will I?" He leans back slightly further, as if repelled, and answers his own question before Aro has a chance. "No, no I won't."

I tip my head to the side, intrigued. It was one thing to read about it, but seeing his abilities in person is shockingly bizarre. I know of the boy's promise as a vampire, his impossible deductive skills splattered across nearly every newspaper in America, but his talents still take me off guard.

Aro, speculative, cuts my thoughts short. "No, I cannot promise that you will be the same, but that is not necessarily bad."

"And I don't have a choice, anyway." It's a statement rather than a question.

Aro's voice almost sounds remorseful. "Unfortunately, you do not."

The boy bows his head and runs a hand through his already tousled hair.

"If you would allow me?" Aro's hand is still outstretched and the boy looks at it, wary. "You know what I will do, yes?"

The boy nods. Low whispers fill the room, although not loud enough for him to register.

"Then, you have nothing to fear." Aro's eyes are kind, his voice gentle, as if coaxing a wild animal to come toward him. The boy stretches out his hand slowly and, when he hesitates just inches away from Aro's hand, his own hovering over it, Aro reaches out and grasps it lightly.

Dazzling rays of light illuminate the chamber, casting the shadowy forms inhabiting its edges into relief. The boy is distracted by the shimmering light for only a moment before he turns his eyes to source of the rainbows of light; the shale-like hand gripping his own.

Aro sighs and releases the boy's hand, stepping back. The brief rays of light, which had revealed to the boy the countless figures clinging to the boundaries of the room, disappear and the boy is left blind to our existence once again, except for our radiant eyes.

"What now?" The boy asks, concern coloring his voice. He is still scanning the edges of the room, eyes straining to define shapes he has no hope of being able to see. I can hear his heart speed up, knowing that the end of his humanity is near.

"Now, we change you," Aro states simply. "It will be painful. It will seem like it will last forever, but it will be over quickly."

Aro's fingers twitch, a minute movement that is meant for me. "If you would like, there is a guard who can take away the pain, but to do so would involve removing your other senses for the duration of the change."

I shift slightly on my feet, my cloak barely a whisper against the stone beneath me. I edge forward, careful to stay hidden from the boy's eyes.

"Neither is really a great choice, is it?"

I nearly jerk to a halt in a manner most ungraceful for a vampire of my stature. I see Jane's eyes flicker over to me from the corner of my eye before training themselves back on the spectacle in the center of the chamber.

Aro shrugs agreeably. "You need not make your decision immediately. Take a moment to decide."

Aro lifts a hand and waves it dismissively through the air. The gathering of vampires in the room stirs, recognizing their part in the script, and filters out of the chamber through the heavy double doors. Their steps are light, muted, and their cloaks rustle quietly as they glide away. It's all part of the act, performed many times for varying audiences.

I stay like always, moving along the wall toward Aro. I glance at Jane as she brushes by me while rolling her eyes at the human boy's indecision. I don't find it as ridiculous as she does, as prolonging his choice provides me with the opportunity to further savor a possible future where he might not want my gift – one, however unlikely, that would allow me the freedom to spend the next days in peace – but I nod to her anyway and wait until the last of the Guard leaves and the doors shut with a resounding thud.

My footsteps are silent as I meander over to them, shrouded by my cloak. Although the boy doesn't see me until I am only a few feet away, he seems to sense that I am there long before I come into view, his eyes staring into the shapeless darkness, waiting. He takes in my alien appearance without expression – my short, dark hair, my red eyes, and the slight stature that lends me a somewhat benign appearance. I come to a halt at his side.

My own face is emotionless and carefully schooled. He stares at me, eyes boring into mine as if he knows my every thought and dream, as if he can see every single atom that makes up my existence and deems them worthless. The unspoken words are held in his gaze, deeply suspicious and relentless in an almost inhuman way.

His gaze unnerves me, makes my stomach clench and my hair stand on end.

He will make a good vampire.

Aro speaks for me, asking the question whose answer will dictate how I spend my time over the next few days. "What is your choice, Edward?"

The boy glances back at me, silent. His piercing gaze seemingly sums me up in the two sweeps his eyes make over my unassuming body; he knows what my purpose is, I see the realization in his expression as soon as his sluggish human brain makes the connection of my presence with Aro's offer. Simultaneously, his posture stiffens, shoulders curling in away from me, rejecting me. Determination takes hold of his features.

"Pain."

"As noble a choice as any," Aro smiles. He lifts the boy to his feet with ease, stepping into the sunlight. Aro's hair is haloed like that of a dark angel's; the boy gasps again, awed. The boy's hair is lit like fire by the rays of multicolored light bouncing from Aro's skin, giving him an almost ethereal glow. My own skin glimmers slightly in the refracted beams and I feel uncomfortable as the boy scrutinizes us both, enraptured.

I am not used to such innocent, inquisitive staring; too often, I am looked at with fear and disgust.

"I will look like this," he states flatly, a stark contrast to the expressions flickering across his features. Aro nods. "It will just belie the truth of what I am about to become."

His reaction makes sense now, the stoic voice and angry eyes – I am once again surprised by his intuition, despite my knowledge of his gifts, but I suppose that is why Aro wanted him.

"Yes," Aro responds before sweeping the boy toward him easily, his frail-looking body disguising the immense strength that he wields. He envelops the tall boy in his arms – his long robes appear almost comical next to the boy's scruffy jeans and t-shirt – and tilts the boy's head to the side with fingers that are embedded in the boy's hair.

Aro's eyes meet mine as he swiftly bites down on the boy's pale neck.

* * *

_Sounds like Alec might have a lot to be guilty about..._

_Don't forget to leave a comment in the review section below!_


	3. Part 3

Consumed

Part Three

I make my way through the winding halls of the castle slowly, in no real rush to get back to my room. I'd left Aro and the boy in a small subterranean room; he was flushed and a thin sheen of sweat had started to gather on his skin, but he hadn't started screaming, yet.

It is impressive, I suppose. However, I'll hold my accolades until after the change is complete. Three days is a long time and even the strongest of us has cracked under the feel of molten fire coursing through our bodies.

I open the doors to my room easily, having no need for locks or keys like humans do. My cloak is off and I'm on my way to one of the cushioned chairs at the far end of the room before I notice that Jane occupies one end of the couch closest to the window.

I give a silent nod in greeting as I sit and pull the book on the coffee table towards me.

"So, based on your current presence, I assume he didn't want you to take away the pain?"

I shake my head, a grim expression fixed onto my face, and start reading at a passage in the middle of the little novel.

"Maybe he isn't so weak after all," Jane speculates from the other side of the couch we are currently occupying. "Of course, we'll have to see if he begs for it to be taken away once the change is further underway."

"Yes, although I doubt that he will ask for it," I muse distractedly, mostly for her benefit. I pull my feet up onto the cushion next to me and tuck my legs into my body. "I think he believes that if he suffers through the pain, it somehow means that he didn't give in to Aro."

Jane chuckles once. "Humans are strange."

She is silent after that, almost shockingly so, and I look up to find her staring at me speculatively. "Something is wrong."

"I'm fine," I begin, turning a page, the standard response out before I can even process what I am saying. It's futile to hide anything from Jane, though, and I am keenly aware of this fact.

"It happened again, didn't it?"

I glance at her, lips pursed, before turning back to my book. It's all she needs in confirmation

"You were behaving strangely in the throne room," she explains in answer to my unspoken question.

I wonder if my behavior was as obvious to everyone, considering that Jane had been with me for all of five minutes and most of that was spent watching Aro's theatrics.

She continues without pause, "I thought it was simply the prospect of having to deal with _him_," she gestures at the air, clearly indicating the boy, "but it's not, is it?" It's a rhetorical question, as she already knows the cause. Her voice is void of pity, but her words carry the weight of her intent. Jane is not an overly emotional being, but we're blood. Aside from Aro, she's the only one who can even begin to understand what's been happening to me.

I sink into the plush cushions and sigh, putting my book down.

"Alec," she sighs, drawing closer and pulling me into her side. "You should have said something earlier."

"And you would do what, exactly?" I snap, feeling terrible as soon as the words leave my mouth. I try to keep the acrimony out of my voice, but fail miserably. "You weren't here and there's nothing to be done about it, anyway."

Jane squeezes me against her again and rubs my arm soothingly, her head on my shoulder. "I wish there were."

I nod, not knowing what to say. We've had this conversation before, many times, and she knows that I don't resent her frequent absences; it's her duty to serve the Volturi, not me, in any way that she can. My bitterness stems from the lack of control I have over my own body.

"At least they're not as bad now, right?" She kisses my cheek, lingers. Her voice whispers along my skin. "You'll feel like yourself again in a few days, I promise." She kisses my face again and retreats to the other end of the sofa to leave me to my thoughts, knowing that I just need to be left to my own devices for now.

I don't answer her or otherwise counter her reassurances, despite the fact that I both feel like it never will be better and yet logically can recognize that it will be, given time. I wish I could believe her, but her words seem empty in light of what happened while she was gone for the reconnaissance mission and again to retrieve the boy. I'd never tell her, but this bout was the worst that I've had in a long time; the suffocating fear that it is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg looms over me like an imposing shadow.

The weight of it presses down on my chest and muddles my mind, making it difficult to breathe normally. I hold my breath, not wanting to modulate it any longer and not caring about the uncomfortable sensation that follows such an act because if I don't care, if I focus on this one thing, I might be able to hold myself together a little while longer.

After a few minutes of pretending to read my book, I am able to actually do so without great distraction. Jane made fun of my choice of book at first, but the Italian children's book caught my eye while I was in the bookstore in town and it has proved quite entertaining.

One needs a little amusement in a place like this.

I devour the pages quickly, the sunlight occasionally filtering into the room through the thin curtains on the windows. The sweet summer breeze is pleasant and I smile to myself as it brushes against my skin.

I go down to the throne room once with Jane over the next few days to feed, although my desire for blood is relatively faint. Once I'm done, I proceed out into the castle courtyard and watch the day progress from one of the benches there.

The boy's change will end soon, but I don't bother myself with it. His refusal to take advantage of my gift allows me to relax, a welcome change after the last few nightmarish days. I feel so ridiculously tired that I can't even think about what will happen when my small bit of peace is brought to an end.


	4. Part 4

_Did I say relatively frequent updates? Ha. Haha. Sorry. I hit a bit of a language snag and then, you know, life kind of got in the way. It's here now, though._

Consumed  
Part Four

Just before dusk, Chelsea appears in the courtyard. I watch as her eyes flit along the edges of the grass before they settle on me; she strides purposefully in my direction. I sigh and slouch down into the bench and steel myself, knowing the break from my normal duties is over.

"The boy is about to wake."

I nod and stand, brushing down my dark slacks as I straighten. I understand what she really means, despite her vague phrasing, as although it has been a long time since the brothers last changed someone, my role in this is still the same.

I find the room quickly, carefully placed upwind from the city – never mind the precaution of it being partially submerged underground and far from other beings, human or vampire. I hear his whimpers long before I enter the room and I remember bitterly what it was like for Jane and me, when we had been changed. The fire that had scorched us was far worse than that which Aro had saved us from.

"Ah, Alec." Aro stands from his armchair in the corner of the small room. A high, narrow window, much like the ones in the throne room, is the only evidence that this room is not a dungeon. The light from it glitters briefly across Aro's face as he moves to greet me. "He has minutes left, at the most."

I can clearly see that, his skin pale and flawless like ours, and his hair impossibly redder than before, like golden fire. He trembles weakly as the last remnants of the venom course through him.

"Here, stand by the chair. I don't want your presence to overwhelm him." It is a reasonable precaution and I move to obey, hoping that I will not have to do much.

I watch as the sweat on his face dries, despite his increased feverish shivering and his skin takes on a stone-like quality. His lips and cheeks redden and, as he grimaces, I can see his bright white teeth clench together tightly.

There is a moment when I think that he might scream. His chest lifts from the bed he lays on, his lips part, and his fists clench at his sides. He holds it in defiantly, as if aware that we are watching him.

He is certainly strong willed, a quality that won't help him much within the castle, but is nonetheless admirable.

His body finally collapses onto the bed and he is very still, presumably adjusting to his new senses and the feel of his changed body. He appears much like a living statue – David at rest after his triumph over Goliath.

I wait patiently as Aro gently speaks to him.

"Edward?"

His eyes flicker open and he is suddenly in a sitting position on the bed. He sways for a moment, eyebrows scrunched together, clearly confused about how he got there.

"Ah, yes, here." Aro extends his hand to assist him in standing. "You will be overwhelmed by your senses for awhile. It is a lot to get used to."

Edward eyes Aro's hand, his bright eyes suspicious. He ignores Aro and stands swiftly, tall and lean figured, but a little on edge. I wonder absentmindedly if the burning in his throat is bothering him. It must be, but he manages to remain calmer in the face of it than most of the newborns I've seen.

"Yes, it does." His eyes snap to mine as he says this and I am completely taken aback by the raw intensity of his voice. I blink, once, in surprise. "You asked about my thirst? The burning?" The words are hesitant, as if they are new to him and he doesn't quite understand their use.

My eyes go wide; I look at Aro's equally shocked expression and then back to the boy between us. "I did not ask that," I say carefully, watching him for any adverse reaction.

"Yes, you did," he insists, stepping toward me. "I heard you say it."

My eyebrows furrow and an inkling of what might be going on registers in my mind, but I push it aside for the moment and regulate my thoughts carefully.

I direct my internal monologue toward him as if I am speaking out loud. _Would you like me to ease the burning?_

He rubs his throat subconsciously, but stops as soon as he realizes what he is doing and glares at me. "How did you do that? I heard you, I know I did, I could hear your voice – but your mouth didn't move. Are you like him?" he accuses, "Can you read my thoughts – no, project them?"

A moment's hesitation, then, frustrated, "No, no, you can't. But, what are you doing, then?"

I look at Aro, sure that he also shares my conjecture. Edward spins to confront him. "Yes, I can hear you, I'm standing right here, aren't I?"

A few seconds pass, the two of them not moving. Finally, Aro speaks, "Alec, I believe that Edward, here, is a telepath."

"I know," I respond. "It's…interesting."

"I am not some sort of experiment!" He's angry, so angry. It's typical for a newborn, but still dangerous.

"I never said you were," I answer calmly, not daring to look away from him as he moves lithely toward me again. "I'm…curious, is all."

He steps closer, his frustration driving him into the bubble of space that only Aro and Jane dare to breach. I restrain myself from automatically stepping back as he towers over me. No signs of weakness, none.

"Is this why you changed me into _this_?" He queries, glancing between Aro and I as wrath plays across his sharp features. His emotions are quickly escalating in that way that a newborn vampire's emotions always do, so harsh, so volatile.

Aro intercepts him so that I don't have to handle him on my own, directing his attention away from me. "I had hoped that you would have some sort of power, intuition maybe, but I had never dreamed it would be this."

Edward mutters something that is too low for my sensitive hearing to register.

He grimaces suddenly and I can see that the fire in his throat is distracting him from our exchange. Aro hasn't asked for me to do anything yet, but I decide to go ahead. Not waiting for permission, I let my gift, my whole reason for being here, do its work.

The familiar fire sparks in my own throat and a scowl twitches at my lips before I can wipe my face clear. It's been awhile since I've had to deal with newborn thirst and it's stronger than I remember. Edward looks at me quickly, his crimson eyes observing the light mist in the air between us before connecting with my own.

"It's gone," he says, the relief evident in his voice, but then his eyes narrow as he begins to glean from my mind what I have done. I watch him warily; unsure about what he might do next. Newborns are so unpredictable.

"Why'd you do that?" he demands heatedly. "I could bear it! You didn't have to – to –"

"Take it for myself?" I provide, raising an eyebrow.

"No!" He growls, irritation weighing heavy in his expression.

His insistence confuses me. "I'm here to ease your transition into your new body. Newborn thirst is… difficult to control."

"Give it back!"

His face is serious, furious with me. It is one of the odder reactions I've received; most vampires are thrilled when I relieve them of their pain.

"I am not most – most _vampires_," he stresses, spitting the word as if it is venomous, "and not at that cost to you."

"It is nothing, really," I say, but I release my hold on him anyway, to prevent further argument. The pale haze inches back toward my fingers.

He nods and clears his throat unnecessarily, looking back to Aro. "You make him do this? What else do you let him inflict upon himself? You would have made him endure my pain from the change, as well?"

Before I can refute his claims, Aro answers, "I do not make Alec do anything. He chooses to use his power for these purposes because it is beneficial to the Volturi. It is true, he suffers from using his power, but it reaffirms that there are costs for everything we do." Aro is preaching to the choir. "You will realize this, as you grow accustomed to your new body and power. There will be times when there will be some things that you will wish you didn't know or hear with your gift – I know this because I have wished the very same – but you cannot have the good without the bad."

Edward shakes his head, incredulous. "But, he's a _child_," he hisses and I have to resist the urge to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him.

Aro continues as if he didn't heard Edward's outburst. "Anyway, that is not the only reason that Alec is here."

My attention flicks back to Aro, my surprise and confusion melding together as I forget about Edward's inadvertent insult. Edward shares my confusion; I can see it on his face.

"Alec will serve as your…well, mentor, for lack of a better word."

"What?" I say before I can restrain myself. "I was not aware that you wished for me to do this," I amend quickly.

"I want you help Edward adjust to life here with us. You are both quite young – oh, Alec, you know what I mean," he says in answer to my sudden glare.

Edward glances at me curiously. "But, you _are_ young. Why're you – offended?"

I fix him with a deadly gaze that I usually reserve for those vampires who unwisely decide to demean my abilities because of my apparent youth, or insult my taste in novellas. "I am older than you can imagine, _boy_."

I intend the name to cause him both discomfort and reaffirm my superiority; in any event, it acts as a subtle way for me to vent my aggression without doing anything rash. Aro seems to like him too much to let me dismember him and I rather my head remain attached to my body.

"Children," Aro chastises lightly.

I roll my eyes and refocus my attention on him.

"You two are close enough in physical age that I think you will be a compatible match. Alec is very experienced and powerful; he can help you learn to control your new abilities."

There is a pause and I realize that whatever Aro says next will be unpleasant.

"He has also had to handle prejudice from other vampires because of his appearance, which is something that you will undoubtedly experience for the same reasons." And there it is.

"I'm not that young," Edward contests, indignant, eyeing me.

_How old do you think I am?_ I question, narrowing my eyes dangerously.

Edward looks uneasy for the first time since he awoke. It is a wise reaction, judging by how I'm feeling right now.

I make a conscious effort not to be a jerk to him one his first day as one of us. "My body is technically fifteen," I say proudly, taking a step toward him. "That is only two years younger than you are currently. _Moreover,_ I have been that age for over a millennia." _So, bite me._

Edward is taken aback and, to his credit, looks a little sheepish as he returns his attention to Aro. "So, now that you two are no longer bickering, Alec will take you to your room and then make sure you are fed. It is across the hall from his own, which I believe you will both find quite convenient."

I nod, still feeling unsure about this whole arrangement. I traverse the few steps over to Aro, the light from the window glancing off my skin briefly, and let my fingers brush against his so that he knows my misgivings about this.

"You'll be fine," Aro reassures me quietly. I nod, moving toward the door with Edward following behind me. "And Alec?"

I look over my shoulder at Aro.

"_Bite me?_ Really?"

I laugh, "Not the best choice of words, I suppose." I flash a wide smile, my sharp teeth catching on my bottom lip.

Aro nods, a half-grin seeping onto his face. "As I said, I think you two will be very compatible."


	5. Part 5

Consumed  
Part Five

Edward trails behind me as I lead him toward the castle, explaining to him where everything is in a rather flat tone. I know that he can read it in my mind as easily as he can hear my spoken words, but I say it all aloud out of habit.

I'm not used to the idea that he can hear my thoughts as though they are his own, so my mind wanders without permission as I speak, despite my attempts to focus solely on the task at hand. It takes effort on my part to direct my thoughts specifically to him and it leaves me feeling like I'm trying to put my shoes onto the wrong feet.

Or, well, like I've finally gone insane and I'm talking to someone inside my head that doesn't like me enough to respond. Upon reflection, I decide that isn't really far off the mark.

"We will keep you mostly isolated for the time being, until we are sure that you can maintain some semblance of control. There is a human who runs reception, but I don't think that you will encounter her."

"You keep humans here?"

I turn to look at him over my shoulder. "Yes. They prove… useful." My mind flashes to the green-eyed Italian woman downstairs.

"Is that her?"

I blink and look around. It takes a moment, once again, for me to remember that he has a direct line into my brain. "Yes."

"And she knows what you… _we_ are?" He corrects himself, clearly disgusted by the thought that he is no longer human. "I am."

I raise an eyebrow at the incongruity of his words as I piece together his responses with my internal monologue. "They may be my thoughts, but it is difficult for me to determine which you are responding to." My mind is capable of keeping up several trains of thought at once, and I move quickly from one to the next with the preternatural ease all vampires are gifted with.

"I don't _want_ to be this," he insists, his steps faltering.

I turn to face him, my mind derailed from thoughts of secret passageways in the towers. I feel out of step, as if he is answering something that I have yet to ask, yet to even _think_ about – and I don't like it. I am always in control of my surroundings, I _like _being in control. I can just twitch my fingers and those around me will be blind, deaf, and senseless and it _calms_ me. He is tipping my world off its axis, inch by inch.

"Did it not occur to anyone that I had a _life_ before this? That I might have wanted to stay human?"

I blink. This is the only real life I have ever known and I find it hard to sympathize with him, especially considering his roundabout, one-sided way of conversing with me. "This is your life, now. Be thankful for it – you will never grow old, you will never sicken or die."

"But this wasn't my choice!"

I eye him carefully, reigning in my irritation. His hands brandish through the air before sinking into his unruly locks. His red eyes burn brightly in the gloom.

"This is rarely a choice for anyone. At least you knew it was coming. _You_ understood what was happening to you." Unbidden, the flickering of the flames spring back to my mind, painting my vision with orange and red – screaming, so much screaming, Jane's, my own, the angry faces of the crowd surrounding us, egging on the fire.

Edward visibly flinches, his eyes closing against the image that I accidentally allowed him to see.

I immediately think about nicer things, directing my bitter thoughts toward things like puppies and rainbows. I snort at the images at the same time that Edward apologizes to me.

"I'm sorry. I'm being selfish." He rubs his face, the sound of the scratching stubble on the lower half of his face loud in the otherwise silent hall. It is an odd sound, as most of the vampires I have met are clean-shaven.

"Didn't you know? We're selfish creatures. It's practically in the job description," I deadpan, turning on my heel and walking away from him. I hear his footsteps behind me as we round another corner.

We pass the throne room, which I point out to him, and I purposefully take a more circuitous route to the living quarters to avoid the reception desk. "Always take this route when you go to the throne room – at least until you have more control." I don't have to say over what.

I hear Edward's low affirmative and sense him nodding behind me. We round another corner, coming closer to the rooms where the Guard stays. Edward's steps weaken behind me, halting, and I turn to find him clutching his head.

I am before him in an instant; reaching for his hands, worry surfaces for this strange vampire without my permission. "What is it?" My chest seems to clench with anxiety.

His eyes are shut, his brows wrinkling as his expression contorts with pain. His hands press harder against his ears, blocking out noise that doesn't exist. "They are – so _loud_. Why are they so loud?" He cries, his voice breaking.

I assess him quickly, calmly, despite the dire circumstances, trying to decide what to do. It hadn't occurred to me that he would be able to hear everyone so clearly, and certainly not at this distance. We were still a quarter mile from the largest cluster of vampires. "Edward, when did you first start hearing them?"

I grip his shoulders, shaking him slightly to bring his focus back to me. He stutters, his eyes flying open. "Back by the throne room, but they were just whispers – they're all screaming, now, all at once –" He whispers, pained, as if the mere sound of his own voice might add to the deafening din inside his head by a thousand fold.

I wonder if I can take this from him, but I hesitate, not sure if I can handle the cacophony that he describes. I am older, more restrained and able to handle extreme sensory input, but this? I am afraid to try.

I push him forcefully down the hall, away from the quarters. The farther we get, the more he relaxes, stumbling back without resistance. At last, he straightens and drops his hands from his head, taking a deep breath out of habit. It strikes me just how tall he is as I stand inches away from him; my eyes are level with his chest.

I hold him back from me by his arms, looking up at him. "How many do you hear now?"

He pauses, thinking, breathing deeply with his eyes screwed shut. "Maybe five… no, six? That's including you."

My mind works quickly through the possible solutions. Maybe if he is prepared for the sudden onslaught of minds? But, no, there has to be a better way. "May I… try?" My fingers twitch reflexively and I know that he understands what I mean. It can only be a temporary fix – maybe only a breather before we have to go back to the dorms – until we can get away to start working on developing his tolerance to his gift. I'll have to find Aro to discuss it further.

He nods warily, following my thoughts. "Do you really think that you can handle it better than I can?"

I am surprised by his easy acceptance this time, although it only proves to me how horrible the past few minutes had been for him. I shrug. "One way to find out – and I must stress that this is not a permanent fix. I have no desire to make this a long term arrangement, you will have to figure out how to deal with it."

I let go of his arms and reach for his face. I don't need the proximity, but it helps me focus on this one part of him and I'll be able to withdraw more quickly if I decide I can't handle it.

I stare at his features, all sharp angles and white skin and red lips, eyes, hair. The stubble on his jaw is golden, molten, prickly against my wandering fingers; so unexpected.

His face blurs slightly and it is like I am seeing him through a looking glass, fuzzy around the edges and indistinct, as my power takes hold.

The voices fill my mind almost instantly, pounding against my skull like a battering ram. I hiss, my body tensing against the foreign thoughts that invade my mind, driving out any room I might have had for my own as they chatter incessantly, and I can recognize each one of them.

I force my face to relax as I explore the gift, trying to find a way to dim the voices in my mind, but it is like trying to get a mob of people to stop pelting you with stones.

I find Edward's mind whispering, oddly enough, along my mind, as if he is afraid that someone will hear him.

_Is it working? It must be. But how long can this last? Is it possible to keep it up forever? Would I want that? No, I don't want their help and he doesn't seem to want to give it. _

I try to focus on it, let it fill my mind and drown out every other voice and almost succeed, but then my gift starts to slip and it goes right back to the jarring overlay of voices inside my head. His is just a low murmur in the edges of my mind.

_He doesn't seem to be dealing with it any better than I was, but maybe he was right?_

I release my hold on his mind slowly. The voices dim slightly and then disappear as if they had never been there in the first place. I let go of Edward's face, my fingers scratching against his thick beard. It produces that odd sound again and feels even stranger.

I shake my head. "I don't think that I can keep them cut off from you, manage their voices, and direct you at the same time. I'm a lot of things, but a multitasker at that level, I am not."

I feel frustration, of all things, rise within me at my incompetence. Isn't this what Aro wanted me for? To ease him into his senses? I can't even do that without –

"It's not your fault," he says and I meet his eyes.

"If we go slower, now that you know what is awaiting you, do you think you can handle it?"

He runs a hand through his hair, his eyes unfocused. "I… I think so. I'll try."

We edge back in the direction of the living area. There are roughly twenty to thirty vampires here at any one time, but it is a small amount compared to how many live in the city below the fortress.

Eventually, we stop outside of a slightly decrepit elevator with metal screens for doors and, although Edward appears stressed and distracted, he seems to be handling the noise of the other vampires without breaking down. The lift is out of place in the ancient castle, but far more convenient than using the narrow, spiraling stairs that lead to the upper levels, especially if you are not alone.

I show Edward where the stairs are in my mind as I pull open the creaky doors of the modern – although not new – contraption. It buzzes loudly once I press the button for the highest floor and it begins to propel us upward, a terribly grating sound. From Edward's contorted expression, I can tell that it bothers him, too.

We wait side by side as the seconds pass by. "You are very strong now, stronger than you ever will be, so please be careful," I advise as we step out into the hallway and I shut these doors with a slightly more oiled metallic hiss. "Replacing things around here is a hassle, for obvious reasons."

His tense posture relaxes as we near the end of the hall, which is farther away from the main living quarters. I lead him up a relatively short spiral staircase, climbing the stairs effortlessly. "Fortunately, our rooms are nearer the top of this section, so it will give you some space from the others. And you'll notice that it's easy to climb – we can go even faster if we want to. You'll never tire, so that won't be a problem."

"Never?"

I smirk over my shoulder at him. "Never," I reaffirm, stopping at a landing. He pulls level with me and I show him to the short hallway. "You'll find that you have a lot of free time, especially because you won't have to sleep. You'll have plenty of time for any hobbies that you want to pursue and you will only have do what Aro or one of the other brothers command of you. I don't know how frequently they will want you around, as I am rarely needed, but, for now, they will want you to focus on becoming familiar with your abilities."

We draw even with one of the doors. "This is my room," I gesture with a hand, "and this one is yours." I open the door to his chambers, allowing him to enter first. It is a small room that towers high above the main castle and it has an amazing view of the surrounding gardens and hills of the city. It is perfect for a newborn, as the scents of the humans below are unable to reach such a height.

Edward scans the stone walls and the sparse furniture. A desk, a few plush chairs, a wardrobe, and a bed occupy the uninhabited space, and a small door leads to the bathroom. "If I don't have to sleep, why is there a bed?"

I quirk an eyebrow at him. "There are other uses for beds."

"Oh," he mumbles. "Oh!" He is suddenly shifting nervously, uncomfortable. "That."

I laugh. His obvious discomfort amuses me. "Yes, _that_." I wait for him to say something, but he stays silent, staring at me. "Many of the Guard have mates – two of the brothers have wives, but you will rarely see them; they keep to themselves."

"Mates," he repeats, blinking.

I roll my eyes. For a seventeen-year-old boy, he seems particularly naïve about the whole concept of sex.

"I am not," he defends, voice wounded.

I beckon him to follow me out of his room and shut the door behind him. "Whatever you say. It's none of my business."


	6. Part 6

Part Six

We walk back to the stairs and proceed down to the main level, this time bypassing the elevator. He still appears uncomfortable with what I can only assume are multiple voices bouncing around his skull, but aside from his grimace he seems okay.

"The rest of our floor is empty, except for Jane's room, of course."

"Jane?"

"My sister," I explain, waving a hand perhaps too casually. "She out on business often and isn't very sociable when she _is_ around, so you probably won't see her much – just don't get on her bad side. It won't end well for you." If my thoughts hadn't cued him to my seriousness, my expression definitely did.

We arrive at one of the feeding rooms in no time. I can hear the heartbeat of a human through the thick doors, so I know that Edward can, too, but her scent is kept trapped within the room. "This is where you will enjoy most of your meals until you have better control. The Guard typically feed together about once a week; it's just easier that way."

Edward frowns, disturbed. "You expect me to feed? On a human?"

I nod slowly, like he is slightly stupid.

"But – I can't! I am – I _was_ –"

"Edward, you are no longer human," I cut him off. "This is your reality, now. It'll take some getting used to, but there is no other way. You must feed to survive, it is what nature intended."

_Think about the thirst._

He rubs his throat, glaring. "Thanks for that," he growls sarcastically.

I shrug. "It's what I'm here for. Don't worry about control, just yet. This will be your first meal and your instincts will take over and guide you. Anything I tell you now about technique will go right out the window as soon as the smell of the blood registers, so just do what your body tells you."

I reach for the handle of the heavy door, throwing it open easily. The scent of blood washes over me quickly, but I'm not tempted by the smell of the frantic human at the end of the room. Edward's eyes go wild and his nostrils flare; just as I predicted, he forgets himself and is upon the human in an instant. I slip in behind him at a much slower pace and close the door softly.

I watch as Edward's body vaults toward the human, who doesn't even have time to realize what is happening before she collapses under him. Knowing it's going to be a messy kill, I reach out to her and cut off her senses before Edward has time to harm her. I don't typically feel so bad for the humans, but a newborn's first victim always suffers more than the subsequent ones. There is no reason for her to feel the pain.

I lean back against the door as I feel the ghost sensation of crunching bones that aren't mine. The sharp stabbing echoes in my body as I steel myself against the wood. It is all over quite quickly for her when Edward breaks her neck whilst wrenching her head back to gain access to her jugular, so I am not forced to endure the torture that her body goes through as his strong fingers continue to pulverize her body.

He misses much of the blood, which messily pools around their huddled forms as he greedily slurps at her prone form. It clots in his hair and drenches his human clothes, which are already ruined from his transformation. I hope that Aro had someone stock his closet with fresh clothing, as I am neither willing to sacrifice my own, nor convinced that they will fit him anyway.

At long last, his grip on her body slips and he sits upright, his legs straddling her broken and limp body. I can see only his profile as he stares down in horror and holds his hands out in front of him as if they are not his own. Blood paints the exposed skin, smeared along his pale palms up his elbows.

It surprises me that he is able to resist licking them clean as he rests back on his haunches, eyes wide. I remember my first feeding like it was yesterday and it was no prettier than Edward's. Worse, probably.

I hear a growl pierce the air and quickly change the course of my thoughts. I'm not sure if I will ever get used to having someone be privy to my contemplations at all times. With Aro, I knew that he would eventually hear them, but I didn't need to actively censor myself before now.

"Come," I say, reaching out a hand to indicate that he should join me. "Someone will take care of her. Are you still thirsty?" I know the answer will be yes – it is always yes during the first year – but I have to ask.

Edward doesn't move, torn. "What have I done?" He is lost.

I take a hesitant step toward him. "Come with me," I repeat, my voice more commanding this time. There is nothing that I can say that will alleviate whatever he is feeling. The only thing he can do is try to push pass the guilt that is currently contorting his sharp features.

* * *

I wait patiently for him to finish showering, observing the bustling city in the distance from his window. If he is still bothered by what happened in the feeding room, he's hiding it well from me; his face was a blank mask up until he left my sight.

I hear the water turn off and the bathroom door opens, exposing me to the murky scent of steam and fragrant soap. He doesn't really need to use the soap regularly, as our skin sheds the dirt easily, but I sense that it is more therapeutic for him than anything else. His light footsteps patter to the armoire and the clothing rustles as he pulls it out and across his skin.

When I am sure that he is dressed, I turn and watch as he ruffles the towel over his damp hair, bending at the waist as he does so. His hair is darker than usual, almost brown, and he tosses the wet towel over a chair once he is done. His skin is slightly flushed from the blood, lending his face an almost human appearance.

I have decided that we need to talk to Aro about Edward's power, so we walk briskly through the castle to his quarters. My gift was so much easier to control when I was changed than Edward's is. I had to work to extend it to others without touching them and then refine it more to only take what I wanted to take from them. I have no idea how to instruct Edward on his mind reading, even after my glimpse at what it is like to hear everyone all the time.

I knock lightly on the heavy door, knowing that Aro will hear it. He bids us to enter and I glide in, Edward following me. He moves awkwardly, unfamiliar with his new body. With a touch of my hand, I show Aro everything and he smiles kindly.

"Ah, what a potent gift," he sighs, reaching for Edward's hand after he drops mine.

He is hesitant. I practically shove him forward, giving him a look that clearly illustrates what my mind is already telling him, just to reinforce the idea. _Do you think I am dragging you back and forth around the castle for fun? Get over there and take his fucking hand, for Christ's sake!_

Edward shoots me yet another glare and places his hand gingerly in Aro's. A few seconds pass and Aro hums and purses his lips together before releasing him.

"That is most problematic, for you. I am afraid that I don't share a similar issue, as you are aware." I cross my arms, waiting. "How many can you hear, now?"

Edward runs a hand through his hair again, a nervous habit that must have carried over from his humanity. "The two of you and… several others, fainter, though. Just whispers." His eyes dart around as if trying to locate them. "Ten, I think."

"Hm, yes. Proximity. Alec, you guessed that it was roughly a quarter mile?" He knows exactly what I guessed, but he wants to ruminate about the situation aloud, I can tell.

"Yes, at least that is about where it first became a problem. I don't know if that was because of the sudden influx or the sheer volume of people, though."

Aro moves around his ornately decorated desk, his long fingers forming a steeple near his mouth. His eyes flicker between Edward and me.

"Do you really think that will work?" Edward's voice is full of disbelief, and I wonder irritably about what Aro said to him.

"Try it."

Edward turns to me, his red eyes boring into mine. I wait, expressing my displeasure through my thoughts for whatever is supposed to be happening.

"It's not working," Edward grinds out after a moment, pacing toward me.

"Really focus, Edward," Aro coaches, his smile eager over Edward's shoulder.

Edward's hands close around my face, tilting it as if he is trying to find something in my eyes. His hands are rough and I can tell that he is angry. _Chill the fuck out before you accidentally decapitate me_.

His hold loosens slightly and I glance at Aro, wondering what the hell is going on.

"He seems to think that if I focus on one mind, the others might be tuned out," Edward says simply, continuing to stare at me like I hold the secrets of the universe in my head. Maybe I do.

When he breaks from me, he snarls exasperatedly and stalks away.

"I take it that it didn't work," I state dryly.

Edward ignores me. "This is so frustrating!"

Aro pats him on the shoulder. "It takes time. Keep working at it. I suspect that your heightened senses are interfering with your ability to control your gift – too much sensory input. With time, you will adjust and it will be easier to ignore those who you do not wish to hear."

"I don't want to hear any of it!" Edward yells, his eyes ablaze. I momentarily consider if I will have to incapacitate him to keep him from lashing out. "No, you won't. _I_ can control myself."

I roll my eyes. _Then do so. Like I said, replacing things is a hassle and most of the things in here are antique._ I eye the Greek vase near him.

Edward pushes pass me, storming out into the hallway. I cast Aro an apologetic smile before following, shutting the door carefully behind me. He is already halfway down the corridor and I have to jog to catch up with his long strides.

We are nearly to his room before he speaks, fists clenching. "I didn't want any of this."

I shrug again and he bristles at my thoughts.

"I will _not_ get used to this!" he snaps.

I grab his arm, forcing him to stop stomping away from me. "Yes, you will," I insist. "You will, because you'll _have to_."

He scoffs and I tighten my grip on his bicep.

"Look, you may not like it, but you have no other option at this point. You have to be able to control yourself and there is no better place to learn than in Volterra. Aro is probably the only vampire you'll ever meet who is both a telepath _and_ experienced. He knows what he is doing and you should consider yourself lucky to have him at your disposal. Nothing you do will change the facts of your new life, so you might as well just accept it."

"Wow," he answers sardonically, shaking me off. "That was some pep talk. Great mentor, you are."

"I call it like I see it." _And you probably won't find another vampire more willing to put up with your shit than me, aside from Aro. _

"My shit? Does no one care that I just lost everything? My family, my friends – _my future_. All of it, gone. And you all just expect me to just move on like it means nothing? Let me remind you that I was plucked from my home and whisked away by some strange men before being dropped here and told that I had no choice in becoming a monster."

Well, when he put it like that. "So, it sucks. Sometimes literally. Make some lemonade, drink the shit, and make the best out of your situation. You are going to live forever; you'll have to come to terms with it at some point. There are worse things."

"Well, aren't you just a fucking ray of sunshine."

"Oh, I try," I grin, slipping into my room.


	7. Part 7

Part Seven

Two days later, I sit reading my childish Italian storybook while Edward scowls in my general direction. I studiously ignore him, translating the story as needed – mostly for his sake, might as well try to make it interesting for him – and flipping through the pages at an exaggeratedly slow pace.

"Working yet?" I ask from my chair, not sparing him a glance.

"No," he answers petulantly.

"Focus harder."

He scoffs. "What do you think I've been doing for the last three hours?"

"I don't know," I drawl, turning a page. "Basking in my glory? Marveling at my inhuman beauty? Admiring my many talents? Take your pick."

The mass of vampires floors below us act as an uneccessary distraction while we lounge in his room. Well, I lounge. He sits with his head propped up by his fists on the edge of his chair, hunched over his knees while he stares at me. Aro has pretty much left it up to me to decide what we will do, so I made the decision to force Edward into exploring his power and, more importantly, tuning people out.

It hasn't been working very well so far, but I'm not concerned. He'll get there when he gets there. For now, it means that I can enjoy my book in relative silence.

After another half hour, I sigh, putting the book down on the end table as I turn the last page and pick yet up another. Within a hundred pages, the main character is pregnant and fighting with the father over keeping the child. It's positively ridiculous.

I tip my head back over the arm of my chair and watch dust settle on my pant legs from my contorted position. My heels tap out a rhythm on the side of the chair as I roll my eyes at the absurdity of the sorry excuse for a novel that is clutched in my hands. I knew I shouldn't have bothered with the fourth installment, but god help me if I couldn't stop myself from attempting to finish the series anyway, despite the grating personality of the narrator and her chosen baby daddy.

Seriously, dude, wrap yo shit.

"_Wrap yo shit_," Edward repeats incredulously. "Really? For a millennia-old vampire, you know an odd assortment of slang."

"I like to keep up with the times," I sniff, returning to my book. "I do the Facebook," I mention casually.

"_The Facebook?_"

I toss a wry smile at him. "A joke."

"I hope so."

"Don't you have mind reading to focus on, or something?" I say as I scan the next page quickly.

"Well, it's hard not to respond to such _stimulating_ internal discussion."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

Edward snorted. "I figured you would."

I observe my perfect nails, my feet dangling limply. "It's hard being this awesome – I deserve to take some credit for it."

"If awesome means reading children's books and watching soap operas, then sure."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Don't diss the telenovela."

"Oh, I'm not." He clearly is. "It's just… surprising that a vampire of your stature would sink so low as to pine over fictional, over-dramatized characters in a TV show marketed to women."

"I have a sister," I defend.

"Not a valid reason for watching them."

I huff. "You haven't even met her. You have no idea how much time I spend with her."

"Does she watch the soap operas, too?" he teases.

"Not really," I admit.

His voice turns serious. "Where is she, anyway?"

I glance over to find him genuinely curious. "Oh," I scoff, "off somewhere tormenting some vampire coven or another. I didn't really pay attention to the specifics."

"You seem very enthralled by it all," he comments sarcastically and I shrug. "Really, though, where is she?"

I fix him with a rather severe stare. "I just told you. If you are looking for a location, I think she is in America, although I can't be sure."

"Are you telling me that she is really torturing someone, right now?"

"Why are you surprised? You're the one who can read minds, I thought this would be old news."

"Why would she be doing that?"

Honestly, I don't exactly _know_ what she finds so appealing about the whole pain thing. She's always been a little vindictive since the witch fiasco – well, before it, too. "Aro likes to use her to intimidate people – it's an added bonus that they are more willing to follow our rules with the threat of her gift hanging over them."

"Why are these rules so important, anyway? If there are so many people who don't want to follow them, then why bother?"

"Edward, I've explained this to you already – it's for the good of the species. Humans have laws that are broken all the time and you don't see people wanting to remove most of those."

He nods, acknowledging my point.

"Now," I intone, "focus."

* * *

"I don't want to feed."

I blink, dumbfounded. I'm holding the door of his room open, waiting for him. "What are you talking about? Of course you do."

"No." He turns away from me and gazes out the window.

"Edward, denying your needs will not make you feel better."

He glares at me.

"Edward, come on down with me –"

"I said, no!" He huffs, "Now leave me alone."

I release the door and it shuts with a soft click. "I will not let you starve yourself and become a potential danger to the humans of our city."

"I already _am_ a danger, we all are."

"No, we are not." _So long as we feed._

"I told you to leave me alone."

I step toward him. "Edward –"

"Go away!" He bats away the hand I extend to him and I begin to feel the first stirrings of anger join my mild irritation at his stupidity.

"You are –" I can't even find the words to describe his idiocy. "Such a _brat!"_ I conclude quite eloquently instead.

"I'm the brat?" He exclaims incredulously. "Take a look in the mirror!"

"I would, but I'd just see you looking right back at me!"

He splutters. "What even – you are so childish! I thought _you_ were supposed to be the old one here."

"I _am_." He knows that I am touchy about my age. His hours of listening intently to my mind has shown him that much.

"Well, then act like it!"

"That's it! I did _not _ask for this; you are incorrigible." I begin to stalk away, intent on asking Aro to deal with Edward's unruly attitude himself. _Children_. My god.

"If I'm unruly, then you are beyond immature."

I whirl around. He's so unbelievably irritating! It grates on my already raw nerves. "I have just been _trying to help you_!"

"Well, you haven't!" He confesses angrily, pained. "Nothing can make this better!"

I suddenly feel like this is about more than just typical newborn vampire broodiness. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Yeah, you picked up on that _so_ quickly," Edward jibes, trying to force me to react, but I know what he is really trying to do. His distractions won't work on me.

"I'm not the mind reader, here. I have my limitations, you know, I can't guess what is bothering you," I snap, perhaps more harshly than I originally intended.

He chews on that comment for a moment. "I can –" he stops, swallowing hard. "I can _hear_ them," he insists, grasping my arm and shaking me slightly. His whole body seems to vibrate with pent up emotion.

I inhale sharply, understanding in an instant what he is alluding to. I hadn't been aware that he could hear the humans, as well. "I see."

"Do you?" he presses, gripping me tightly. "Do you really? Because I'm not sure you _do_ see."

"Edward," I sigh, "there is a reason that I have not fed around you. Haven't you noticed that?"

He blinks and I can tell by his expression that he is trying to search my thoughts for the reason. I allow him this and he lets go of me instantly. "You do what?" It isn't a question, more an exclamation of shock. "How?"

"I don't like them suffering, either, but I don't know of another way, so I have to feed on humans. It is only right that I know the suffering that I am causing and relieve them of it. It eases their passing and demands a certain level of introspection."

"So you…you _feel_ them die?"

I nod. "It is as real as what you hear from them, although I don't hear their thoughts. I just feel the pain and emotions I take from them – the physical things." His eyes are tight. "In a way, your situation is worse than mine."

He shakes his head. "They are both terrible." It's not meant as an attempt at comfort, that much I know, but it comes across that way.

I feel uncomfortable, not sure what to say now that the silence stretches between us.

"If you would like…" I trail off, not wanting to say it for fear that it will set him off. I think it instead, secretly hoping that he will refuse.

"No, I can't ask you to do that. I need to know the pain and fear I cause. I never would consider asking you to take that experience."

"I just thought I would offer."

"I know."

The awkward silence continues, only punctuated by the rasping wind at the window. I don't know what to do, what I can say, to make this better for him.

"It wouldn't ease my conscience, you know," he mutters suddenly, his eyes connecting with mine.

"What?" I ask, perplexed.

His expression is indecipherable, his gaze intense. His hands hold me tightly by my shoulders again. "If you cut off their senses. It wouldn't ease my conscience… because then you would just suffer instead of them."

My brows furrow and I purse my lips. "That's what I am here for, you know. My gift is useful to the Volturi because I can deprive people of their senses. I'm expected to use it as I, or the brothers, see fit."

"At the expense of your well-being."

I say nothing in response. He doesn't understand that it's my duty, I've never known another way.

"That doesn't make me feel any better about it."

"Edward, it's fine – I am not some child to be protected. I know what I am doing and do it willingly."

Suddenly, he crushes me to his chest, his newborn strength almost painful as my face presses into his shirt and his arms wrap around me. I don't know what to make of the foreign touch and my hands hang awkwardly by my sides. I can't remember being… hugged – ever. Not like this. Jane sometimes lightly embraces me, but it is over practically before it begins. Aro occasionally sweeps me toward him, but that is different than this. This is… intimate.

His hand wanders into my hair, stroking my scalp and cutting off my previous thoughts. It is… pleasant, I suppose, the tickling feeling of his fingers in my hair. He sighs against me and my arms still hang limply, as I am unsure of what I should be doing with them. His other arm is tight across my upper back, holding me to him, and his chest rumbles as he speaks. "I know you're not a child," he says lowly, but something is going unsaid; his tight embrace proves this.

I blink once, his scent invading my nose as I stare out the window at the city in the distance. He smells sweet and musky at the same time, an odd yet appealing combination on him. I finally pat his shoulder awkwardly, my body stiff.

His frame shudders against mine before he pulls away, turning so that I can only see his back. The muscles there ripple as he rolls his shoulders, stretching unnecessarily. "Okay," he whispers, almost to himself. "I'll be down in a minute, just let me change into something that I don't mind ruining."

I bite my lip, wary of leaving him alone, but glide out the door and close it with a soft _click_.


	8. Part 8

Part Eight

Now that my secret is out – that I use my power to deaden the senses of my human victims – I no longer need to feed separately from him, but I still choose to simply watch him as he devours his latest quarry. His confession from earlier about caring for me and the suffering that I voluntarily put myself through prevents me from using my power around him out of some inexplicable sense of concern that I have for his mental well-being.

It's normal to want to protect someone you know… someone who is a… well, a friend, right? I think that must be what we are. He's spent enough time inside my head, learning every corner of my brain. It could explain his concern, although I struggle with the idea that he might see me as anything more than a mentor, a colleague, the barest of friends.

He is clearly tortured by the idea of me cutting off others senses at the expense of my own, but I don't understand why, when everyone else around me, even my own flesh and blood, well… when they don't seem to mind it at all.

I chalk it up to some leftover human instinct as he stands up from the lifeless body of the human and turns to me, only a little blood dripping down from his chin this time. He is getting better at staying clean, and I feel a small swell of what I assume must be pride as he stops before me.

"That was… tolerable," he manages, looking conflicted over the kill.

I reach up and swipe my fingers against his jaw. "Still messy, but better." I waggle my red-coated fingers at him and he grins sheepishly.

"I don't know how you manage to keep clean – I mean, I'm assuming that's what you do. I haven't actually seen you after you… feed."

I hum distractedly as I suck my fingers into my mouth. No use to letting the blood go to waste, and I have no desire to wipe it off on my clothing, or further ruin his, for that matter. It's cool, but I don't mind too much. He stares at me oddly until I withdraw my fingers from my mouth and let my hand fall to my side. "I am pristine afterward – it takes practice, control." I gesture at his blood-splattered shirt. "You'll get there."

We walk away from the cooling corpse in the dining room and I shut the door behind us. Edward still looks slightly feral, his hair and eyes wild, and it does something to me that I can't describe.

I look away from him quickly. "Next time, focus on creating a seal with your lips – you are looking to puncture the skin, not sink your teeth into it. As soon as you feel it break, pull back slightly and let the blood pool in your mouth."

"It's just so hard to focus when it's _right there_," Edward gestures vaguely with his hand, clearly frustrated.

"No one expects you to just do it," I assure him. "Just keep the thought in the back of your mind for now and eventually you'll be able to focus enough in the presence of blood to be able to feed cleanly."

We are walking swiftly back to the spiral staircase leading up to our rooms when he freezes. I stutter to a stop beside him as his nostrils flare dramatically – almost comically – and his pupils dilate to the point that his crimson irises are nearly invisible. I realize a second too late what is happening.

"Aw, shit." I reach for his arm just as he tears down the hall toward the fresh human scent and the clacking heels that announce the unexpected arrival of the human secretary.

I curse, darting after him, but he is faster, disappearing around the corner while I shout for Felix. I round the corner in time to see him pounce on the unsuspecting human and I wish desperately that my power could be as fast as Jane's, the mist seeping slowly from my fingers toward him.

Felix and Santiago arrive before my power has the opportunity to take hold, it having taken them only a matter of seconds to respond to my call for help. They wrench Edward away from the poor girl, who staggers back in her heels, her green eyes wide with shock as her hand flies to her neck. The wound leaks blood down the front of her silken dress, drenching it quickly as she just stands there, comprehension dawning across her face.

I am in front of Edward in an instant, his struggling form no match for the two burly vampires holding him. His eyes fly around wildly and he emits an animalistic snarl that dies suddenly as I cut off his senses.

He slouches between them and the two vampires allow him to drop to the floor as they round on the human woman behind me. Edward's thirst burns painfully in my throat while the thoughts of those around me assault my brain all at once.

_Dio mio! Finalmente, sarò un vampiro…_

_Fucking hell, what the fuck was she doing out in the halls by herself…_

_God dammit, I was actually starting to like this one…_

"Alec," Felix calls from behind me.

I pull myself together long enough to extend my power to her. The familiar, albeit strange and conflicting, sensation of being two other people, in addition to myself, washes through me like a wave only a second before I feel her neck snap as if it is my own.

As soon as I hear her body collapse onto the floor, I release my hold on Edward, my shoulders slumping with relief as I once again have just one set of senses haranguing my overtaxed mind.

Edward groans and is on his feet in an instant, assessing the changed scene before him with confusion. The human girl's blood is still thick in the air, but the sight of her dead body on the ground must shock him enough to keep him rooted to the spot.

"Oh god," he moans, his hand clasping around his mouth as if he feels sick. "What have I _done?_"

Felix stalks pass us without a word, Santiago following with the limp body of the receptionist; Gianna, I think her name was.

"It's not like it hasn't happened before," Santiago tosses over his shoulder, but I'm not sure if Edward hears him.

His bright eyes meet mine and I lead him away from the pooled blood on the stone floor and practically pull him up the stairs behind me. He's moaning something to himself about secretaries and Aro and punishment. As soon as we are back in his room, I shut the door and push him down into a chair.

"Chill out," I tell him, going to his closet and pulling out a fresh set of clean clothes for him. "Aro isn't going to be angry – exasperated at having to replace another human, maybe, but that would have happened sooner or later."

"Oh, god, I can't believe I did that. I didn't realize she was human, at first, and…"

"Edward," I say sharply and he looks at me. "She shouldn't have been walking through that part of the castle unescorted. I don't know what the hell she was doing – she probably _wanted_ to get bitten."

Edward's face morphs into something akin to horror. "_Why?_"

"The humans we have – well, most of them have this _grandiose idea_ that they'll be changed eventually instead of killed. They _want_ to be changed."

"And are they?" he asks hesitantly.

I shake my head. "No."

He seems to realize what I am trying to tell him. "So, _I_ didn't kill her, then?"

"Directly? No, you didn't. Aro didn't want her to join us, so Felix dispatched her after I incapacitated you. You just… _expedited_ the process."

"That's horrible," he whispers.

"She knew the risks – it's the price of working for the Volturi." My voice is dark and I know that my expression has twisted into something matching it.

Edward leans away from me and I realize how close I am to him; bent over the chair, my hands on the arm rests. His breath fans across my face, so close to his that our noses are close to touching.

I straighten, smoothing down the front of my slacks briskly. I feel slightly unhinged and Edward's eyes tell me that he can see it, too. I briefly consider telling him to take care of himself for a couple hours, while I go far away to be truly alone for the first time in weeks, but I can't just leave him. It's my _job_ to make sure he gets use to being one of us and he just accidentally attacked _the secretary_.

I'm slipping, despite my efforts to remain grounded. I have the sense that I'm slowly being flattened; my vision swims and darkens and then goes black. I feel heat – hot, hot, unbearable _heat_ – against my skin, crisping me up, drying me out, _suffocating. _My lungs burn.

I know it's not real, but my mind spirals down, down, away, toward black, swirling smoke and orange flames and I'm choking, can't breathe, lungs spasming and –

Hands shaking me violently.

"Alec? Fuck, Alec, what the hell is that? Alec!"

I snap back to the present, blinking once and forcing my mind to banish all thoughts of _that_, because he can hear them, see them in my mind, and I cannot allow that. No, no one can know besides Aro, because Aro ignores it, pretends with me that it's not an issue, that the chasm my mind occasionally falls into isn't real.

"Alec, what the fuck? What was that?"

I suck in a quick burst of air, clean, fresh air and focus on his frantic eyes.

"One minute, you're thinking about fucking _ponies_ for fuck's sake and then it felt like I was being sucked into a bottomless pit." He's rambling, and I don't think he quite realizes what he is doing, but his hands still grip my shoulders, shaking me slightly with his ravings. "– fucking answer me!"

I blink once again, slowly, trying to master my thoughts once again. "Excuse me?"

He actually has the nerve to growl at me. "Will you fucking _listen_? Tell me what the fuck just happened!"

I shrug him off, barely, and walk away from him. "That is none of your business." I am gritting my teeth, hard, so hard that it almost hurts.

"Don't you get it – _none_ of this is my business, but you are sharing it with me whether you like it or not, and the next time I feel like I'm _drowning_, I would very much like to know _why_ –"

"It's not drowning," I mumble, so low that it's barely audible, but it ties up his tongue for a beat, a moment that is almost entirely too long, and I contemplate just leaving, just getting away from here, when he speaks up again.

"What do you mean?" He manages, unsure of himself.

I don't answer, deciding to just go for the door before I have to start explaining things I would much rather not, but he grabs my arm and repeats himself. "What do you mean?"

"It's choking," I murmur, my insides twisting nauseatingly at the mere thought of it. "It's thick smoke and fire and choking and pain –" I have whirled on him, my own inner turmoil bubbling over. My words are trapped in my throat as I catch his smoldering gaze.

It's entirely too understanding, comprehension dawning on his face as he pieces together the little bits of information that he has gathered from peeking into so many minds, mine especially.

I am out of the room and flying down the hall before he realizes what has passed between us.


	9. Part 9

_Apologies for the crazy formatting when I first uploaded this chapter - how embarrassing. Alas, read on and review :)_

* * *

Part Nine

I shouldn't feel ashamed – there is nothing to _be ashamed about_ – yet, despite this logic, I dread seeing him again, with the knowledge that he knows _why_ I can't leave the castle often, _why_ Aro is always looking over my shoulder, _why_ I'm so different from the others.

He has the decency and grace to not mention it the next time I see him, days later, once I have organized my mind enough to feel like I can be around others without losing the scraps of my remaining sanity, little of it there may be.

Like always, I feel a little jarred after the occasional episodes that I have about _that_, but I can't let it linger in my mind now, not with his constant, albeit unintentional, eavesdropping. It was unnerving to have to censor myself so thoroughly, to the point where I couldn't possibly think something around him without him knowing it instantaneously.

I couldn't avoid him forever, though, and I was sure that I'd have to reveal it all to him eventually, it was inevitable, but I wanted to do that on my terms, if at all. Since I was supposed to be mentoring him, per Aro's orders, I couldn't just leave him in the wind whenever I got upset.

I had responsibilities. Responsibilities that involved dealing with a real, present person, rather than just stalking them on the internet whenever the Volturi bid it.

"You do what?"

I glance at Edward out of the corner of my eye, lounging in my usual chair while he attempted to drown everyone else out using my thoughts. If vampires weren't immune to human discomfort, I would have recommended that he stop hunching over in his seat and relax a little bit a long time ago.

He's probably going to connect the dots between what I'm about to tell him with relative speed and I'm not entirely sure how he is going to take it. "I help the Volturi navigate the modern age."

"What does that even _mean_?" he huffs, finally leaning back in his chair, thankfully. His tense posture was starting to set me on edge.

"Have you not thought about what happens when vampires end up in the news? Pictures, videos, it's all a constant threat to the secrecy of our existence."

His hand runs through his hair thoughtfully. "I just assumed that it didn't happen."

"Oh," I sigh, "It _does_."

"So, then, what do you do?" he gestures, brows furrowed. "Do you hack into databases and delete everything so no ones the wiser? Do you hunt down the people involved and threaten to kill them?" he half jokes. His jaw drops slightly at my expression. "Oh my god," he drawls, "you _do_."

"It mostly clears itself up – the humans are hesitant to admit that they aren't the highest species on the food chain – but when it doesn't, or someone doesn't let something go as confusion or a coincidence, I help the process along. I'm the best at using technology out of the Guard – it's not all that difficult, really."

"Not all that difficult," he repeats, a mixure of awe and exasperation on his face. "When was the last time you _helped the process along_?"

I bite my lip. "About four months ago."

He does the math quickly and scowls angrily, his eyes flashing. "That's right before I was taken," he hisses darkly.

"I know you're angry, but the Volturi would have found you without me. You weren't exactly… _discrete_, Edward."

"Are you fucking kidding me? This is _my_ fault?" He is on his feet, pacing irately.

"I'm not saying that – but, I recommend that you keep in mind that without my input on when to… _retrieve you_, the resulting circumstances would not have been ideal. Aro wanted to take you sooner, but I knew you were going to college soon and it would be better to wait, to let you say farewell to your family –"

"I was going away for a semester, not sailing across the fucking _ocean_ –"

"_Regardless_," I interrupt forcefully and he stops talking, although he is still pacing, "It provided you with more closure, right? It was better than whisking you away before you were ready to leave your home?"

His silence is all I need to know I'm right. "I'm sorry that this happened to you," I murmur comfortingly, standing to pat his arm. "I did my best to make sure that it was easier for you."

He starts to say something that I'm sure will be a cross of an angry retort and admittance of defeat, when he glances up momentarily and positively streaks over to the other side of the room. I look up at the same time that he says, "What the hell is _that?_" and sidestep in time to miss the fat spider that drops to the ground exactly where I was just standing.

"How the fuck did that get up here?" I muse to myself, instead of doing anything about it as it scurries under an armchair.

Edward seems to be less than enthused with my response. "I don't care how it got here – just kill it!"

"Don't like spiders?" I tease, glancing over at him. "It can't hurt you, you know."

He snorts. "I don't care if it _can't_. That doesn't mean it should be here, in _my room_."

I hold out an arm. "Well, by all means, then. Dispose of it."

While Edward was arguing with me, instead of taking care of the thing, it had made it halfway up the opposite wall, probably making for the ceiling again in an attempt to ambush someone else.

Edward's shoe, of all things, sails through the air before I have time to blink and somehow, miraculously, _misses. _Not only that, but it ricochets off the wall and I have to dodge it as it boomerangs past me.

"How the fucking hell did you _miss _it?"

"I don't know!" he exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air. "You're the one who knows all about vampire nature. I thought those things avoided us – something about predators and the food chain –"

"That only applies to animals," I interrupt irritably, edging away from the furniture in the room. In the confusion, it disappeared again. "Not to eight-legged demon spawn."

Perhaps it is a bit of an over exaggeration, but judging by the look on Edward's face, he agrees with my assessment. "Just keep looking," he retorts, eyes darting about. "It has to be somewhere."

Yeah, it's lying _in wait_ for us.

"Don't be so dramatic, Alec," Edward mutters distractedly. "We just need to make sure it doesn't make a nest or something equally terrifying."

I'm not sure what that something would be, seeing as the thing can't technically hurt us, but glancing up to find a furry beast the size of a golf ball clinging to the ceiling above my head is not how I'd envisioned beginning my day. Neither is hunting down and annihilating said beast in Edward's room.

"You need to tune your fine motor reflexes, mate," I tell him, rotating slowly on the spot. Unfortunately, the stone floor acts as a decent camouflage for the fiend and I'm in the process of scanning the floor along the wall when Edward shouts.

"I see it!"

There is a bang, followed by some muffled cursing as Edward shoves a chair out of his way and descends on the rapidly crawling creature, which should be no match for our enhanced speed and dexterity. This time, Edward successfully captures the thing, seemingly not trusting his own abilities against that of the mutant lagoon pest.

"We are not near Venice, or its islands, Alec," Edward corrects, holding the small glass bowl and card at arms length and dumping the hell-spawn out the window and into the garden. "So, it can't be from a lagoon."

I raise an eyebrow at him.

"However, I'm willing to admit that it could be a science experiment gone rogue," he adds hastily. "It clearly won the first time we tried to kill it; that in itself means it deserves another shot at life."

"When it comes back to devour you in the night, I won't stop it," I warn, slouching into the armchair Edward had sent spiraling into the wall, both of which were fortunately intact. "It'll have a vendetta against you, now that you've attempted to off it."

"I doubt that."

I ignore his skepticism. "None of this would have happened if you hadn't freaked out and then missed the damn thing with your shoe."

"I know," he whines, defeated, and falls into his own chair. "I wanted _la chancla_ to work. I didn't have the right shoes for it."

"Clearly."

We're quite for some time, but eventually I break the silence. "I'm sorry for my part in the events that led to you coming here," I tell him, catching his eye.

"I know," he says, and he really does. He can see it in my thoughts, my expression, the slumping set of my shoulders. "I'm not good at this, you know – being a vampire. I don't know who I'm supposed to be."

I gaze at him, really looking at him for the first time since he was still human. His strong jaw, angular eyes, perfectly straight nose. It's still him, the slight changes from the venom having only made his peculiar features more pronounced, his hair redder, and his skin lighter.

Edward's heavy brows furrow. His hand comes up to his face almost like an after thought, following the trail of my mental observations. "I had… freckles?" He looks puzzled and confused, as if trying to remember some obscure fact that he learned years ago and never quite memorized.

I can picture his human face as clearly in my mind as I can see his vampiric one before me. Frightened, watching me with a wariness that he had come to drop in my presence. Determination, much like that I still see in the set of his mouth sometimes. Bright, bright green eyes and delicate speckles of brown across his high cheekbones and the bridge of his nose.

"This – this is _normal_?" He gasps, staring at me intently. "That I – that I can't even remember my own face?"

Of course, he doesn't have to remember what it looks like, because if he ever wants a reminder all he would have to do is peek into my mind to see it for himself with a clarity that his human mind and eyes would never have been able to accomplish – but that's not the point, I can tell by the way his eyes harden and his lips curve into a perfectly sculpted scowl.

"Why can't I remember, Alec?" He demands, rightfully guessing that I know the answer.

The information flashes through my mind, all of Aro's guesses and philosophical ideas about vampires and memories – all the reasons why the change might have rendered us almost unrecognizable.

Edward slumps in his chair, crushed by the knowledge. He is silent for a long time, so long, in fact, that I begin to worry that I must have said something – thought something – inappropriate that might have set off his downward spiral.

His eyes finally meet mine. "Do you remember?"

I blink at him. What did I remember, exactly?

"What did you look like, Alec?" he asks, his eyes crinkling and his voice subdued. "Before all of this," he waves his hand around half-heartedly, "what was your life like? What color were your eyes? Your skin? Did you have freckles, too?"

"I don't know. I suppose Aro would, but I never thought to ask." I never wanted to ask. I had an easier time than Edward controlling my gift, having to really work at extending it to many people of my own volition, but that didn't mean that it wasn't a volatile process.

In the early years, any thought of my once-humanity was enough to trigger me, to set me off, and the consequences of losing control were dire. Aro had to isolate me from the others because, if I was in the same room with anybody at the wrong moment, my gift would take control and lay up anyone within reach – anyone who couldn't escape the mist sneaking up behind them. After things got better – because they never really got under control – I never had the desire to ask. I'd wanted to forget that part of myself, the once-human part.

The telltale twitch of Edward's eye signals that he knows I am about to lie.

I sigh irritably. "Some things, Edward, are best left unknown. I didn't want to know – I _couldn't_ know. If you are really curious," I grind out, not angry with him, but rather at some inexplicable force that I can't name, at the swelling of unidentifiable emotion in my chest that smothers me from the inside out, "I'm sure that Aro, or even Jane, can answer your questions."

Jane has asked Aro all of these questions; the truth doesn't bother her in the same, incapacitating way that it does me. We were almost identical, still are, in ways that lost their meaning once we changed. She never had the qualms that I do about what happened to us; she doesn't have to try to not think about it like I do, rather, the thought of it strengthens her – hones her rage – and that is the one defining difference between us that our relation can't bridge.

I stand swiftly; my slacks whisper against my ankles as I speed toward the door.

He calls after me, halting me for a split second. He's heard all of them, my thoughts, of course, even if he hasn't quite caught their implications.

"Does it have to do with the fire I saw in your mind?"

The slamming door is all he needs to hear to know the answer.


End file.
